why do i do this?

why do i give myself a heartattack every time theres a tornado warning (aka watch if you dont know our crazy system). everytime i see circulation on the screen i flip out. im currently still awake because i know the sirens wouldnt wake me up. i really need one of those weather radios that go crazy when theres a new warning or whatever. ive been watching the weather men since like 9:15 or something so over 3 hours now! i think im gonna go insane. and the storm is JUST NOW getting to mustang! can we say slooooow storm. like 15-25 mph moving. grr. and its starting to hail so of course harvey is starting to go crazy and i pray he doesnt wake up michael. im amazed hes still asleep! you should see the laundry room i think i went a little crazy grabbing things to put in there. we so arent prepared. if we dont lose internet well be set cause i can watch live broadcast weather. luckily the storm decided to turn north a little so were not getting everything we were supposed to. and luckily the storm weakened even after two storms merged so the circulation went bye bye but im still freaked. i wont be able to sleep until it totally passes. justin thinks im crazy but id rather be safe then sorry. im currently seeing goldball sized hail on tv from a storm chaser thats 1.5-2 miles from my house. about an hour and a half ago i became super woman and cleared half my garage so i could get my car in. if youve seen my garage you know how packed it is! the storm seems to be passing thankfully. hopefully i can go to bed here in the next 30 minutes. haha the weather man just said you can tell these storms formed on sunday cause theyre moving like sunday drivers! lol that made me giggle. im glad i let my dogs out at 11 cause they arent going out in the wetness! i wish justin was here i wouldnt be freaking out as much. and i didnt even get to watch my shows tonight! though thankfully they were recorded before the 3 hour weather broadcast. well the red is officially above us but i believe its still storming outside so i dunno what their radar is thinkin. and now theres flooding in places yay!

in other news i have a cold and im hopefully moving to tulsa this weekend woohoo. guess ill start getting ready for bed.

well...

weve called the engagement off. i feel about 5 million emotions about it. but it had to happen. life is pretty crazy right now and i have no idea where its leading me. im falling back into things ive wanted to never fall into again. im going to start back to a therapist and hopefully justin will one day join me.

just thought id let everyone know.

annoyed and sad

i guess this might be a kind of vent/whine post.

i feel like im being left behind and forgotten in life. i feel like most (not all) of my friends are living their lives and forgetting about me. people i used to be super super close to and now havent talked to in months. people who i leave messages and comments for and dont hear back. or if i do its weeks or months later. people who *assume* theyre gonna be invited to my wedding, but yet dont talk to me. why would i even bother inviting you if you dont talk to me? i have 5 or so really good friends in life. i used to have A LOT more. people who i used to spend all my time with dont even remember my sons birthday.

how can people say theyre your friends but then just drop you when they feel like it? i dont understand it. maybe thats why im ok not moving back to florida cause ya know what i have ONE friend there. and her wonderful new hubby so really two. but the other 10 or more people i thought would be lifelong friends dont even bother to drop me an email unless i email them first and even then i might not get a response. i know i moved 1500 miles away but im still me im still the person you became friends with. distance isnt an excuse because i still have good friends here in oklahoma that our friendships lasted through my 2.5 year time i lived in florida.

i feel like people are really fake. and its really frustrating. i dont see how you can think were still friends.
deffinition of friendship - friend·ship /ˈfrɛndʃɪp/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[frend-ship] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation
–noun
1. the state of being a friend; association as friends: to value a person's friendship.
2. a friendly relation or intimacy.
3. friendly feeling or disposition. [Origin: bef. 900; ME; OE fréondscipe. See friend, -ship] —Synonyms 2. harmony, accord, understanding, rapport.

deffinition of friend - friend /frɛnd/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[frend] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation
–noun
1. a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard.
2. a person who gives assistance; patron; supporter: friends of the Boston Symphony.
3. a person who is on good terms with another; a person who is not hostile: Who goes there? Friend or foe?
4. a member of the same nation, party, etc.
5. (initial capital letter) a member of the Religious Society of Friends; a Quaker. –verb (used with object)
6. Rare. to befriend. —Idiom
7. make friends with, to enter into friendly relations with; become a friend to.

i dont feel like many people are living up to this when it comes to my life. i can count on my one hand people who in real life have lived up to those deffinitions. i dont like that feeling. i mean people dont even take the time out of their busy schedule to answer a myspace or facebook comment. really how hard is that? oh well i guess you learn the truth about people eventually.

its kinda sad my online friends are better friends then most of my real life friends....

my chuppah inspiration

just so everyone can see heres some of my inspiration :) and of course it would be in our colors and flowers.

boredom

im bored and p.org isnt working. michael wont sleep and i should be cleaning but here i am. justin asked me to finish cleaning today but in order to do that michael must be asleep because once i make a noise he starts to cry, and hes not even in the same room. so here i sit watching wednesdays days of our lives and writing this. ive been trying to find more insperation pics for the wedding and ive been looking for DJs and photo/video people but people arent smart and dont put there prices on their websites! i faxed off the contract for the venue for the ceremony/reception so that is finally done yay!

were still waiting to hear back from the lady at t-mobile about justins background report. turns out shes been out of the office for a week due to being sick. so we will see what happens. if the take back his job offer im gonna be PISSED! it wouldnt be the first time theyve done it. i think it should be against the law. but everything came off his background in nov so they shouldnt have a problem with it cause their rules are that it cant be within 5 years well in nov it was 5 years at least thats when they told him to re-apply. he had applied there in 05 and they offered him a job then 2 weeks later told him they were taking back the job offer. yea not so good. i just really want to get our house sold and move back to florida. i dont wanna be here anymore and i know im the one that forced the move out here but that was for a lot of bad reasons. im nervous about her calling, she didnt call today at least not to my knowledge and to me i would think that she would call right away if it was good news. hopefully shes just backed up.

now back to my cleaning. i hate hate hate cleaning i wish i could win the lotto so i could hire a maid. im so not a normal girl i guess cause i also hate cooking. i need a chef and a maid lol oh life would be grand. or i need someone to teach me how to cook and how to make cleaning fun or at least tolerable. im also a packrat who likes to read every paper i come across while reading so it takes hours for just one room. maybe thats why i dont like to do it. its wierd cause i love cleaning windows and dusting. vacuuming and doing the floors yea not so much. plus michael HATES the sound of the vacuum so that happens not as often as it should.

ugh guess its time to stop writting thanks for reading if you read it all! :)

Wedding inspiration pictures

Our colors are a chocolate brown and a teal blue somewhat like a tiffanys blue but a little darker. if that makes any sense.

Heres some ideas for cakes (i dont want any flowers on my cake though)

This is my absolute favorite but brown and blue

Heres some hair ideas



Heres some flower ideas

I really want a lot of peonies, hydrangeas, iris's (but only for the special people ;) ), sweet peas, lillies, and orchids.
**Bouquets

**Centerpieces

These last three are my favorite centerpieces.

**Bouts

more to come later

**Random Things**

My Ring

Its 2 am

and im awake. michael woke up at his normal 1245-1250 and i think **knock on wood** that hes asleep for good. im watching th x effect i get sucked into this show. oh the drama. i hate it in my own life but its fun to watch on tv :) michaels video moniter is fuzzy and acting up. he knocked it off the stand and now the anttena isnt lined up or something. i found a love for IKEA today. ive never been but got the urge to look online and found a ton of things i can use for the wedding! i also think im going to make my save th date cards because justin and i cant agree on ANYTHING and id save some money. i found the people i want to make the invites theyre gorgeous invites and rather cheap. i feel so behind on all things wedding. its frustrating cause if you know me im very OCD about this stuff. oh well this has taken ten minutes to right this little blurb think im finally gonna go to bed. night all.